Friday, June 29, 2007

Open Letter to Senator Edwards

Dear Senator Edwards,

Our small Nebraska town recently held its annual festival and honored those who’ve served in the Global War on Terrorism. As it seems you’ve forgotten what that is, let me remind you that it’s the war against those pesky Islamic radicals who have sworn their lives to the destruction of our nation.

From a town of 1200, there were 28 of us who served or are still serving in the military during this Global War on Terrorism. Eight of the 28 were unable to attend the festival because they were overseas at the time, most of them fighting terrorists.

I understand from your statements that you believe the Global War on Terrorism is nothing more than a bumper sticker slogan. In light of those beliefs, I was wondering if you could purchase and have 28 of those bumper stickers sent to our town. I’ll make sure they get distributed to the veterans and those still fighting this war, I mean slogan.

I did a little research, and in Sgt Grit’s latest catalog of Marine Corps specialties, bumper stickers cost $1.95. With shipping and handling the price would be about $2.25 each. In all, it would cost you $63.00 to have Global War on Terrorism bumper stickers sent to us.

I know that may dip into your coffers a bit, but surely you could find someone to cut your hair for $337 this month instead of the usual $400. As a believer in wealth redistribution, surely you could redistribute $63 from your “beauty and grooming” budget to those of us your pal John Kerry feels are the down-trodden, poor, uneducated military types for this one month. If not, call me. I’ll give you the name of the woman who cuts my hair. I’ll bet she could squeeze you into her busy schedule for just $300, leaving you plenty of cash for the bumper stickers and some left over for hair spray.

If you haven’t already had these stickers manufactured, I can point you toward some suppliers of military items, including military-centric bumper stickers. I assume you have no ties to or clues about the military and would need a little assistance in this arena.

Although I’m sure we would settle for a bumper sticker that simply says “Global War on Terrorism,” here are some I found in the aforementioned catalog that might work instead:

“For Those Who Fought For It, Freedom Has a Flavor the Protected Will Never Know”
“America, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave”
“Many Stand Behind The Flag, I Stand in Front”
“Whose Son Is Fighting In Place Of Yours?”
“You Only Have The Rights You Are Willing To Fight For”
“Life, Liberty, And The Pursuit Of Anyone Who Threatens It”
“I Fight What You Fear”

If those don’t work, how about having these made:

“I Fought Terrorists For This Sticker, and Won”
“I Fought In Iraq (or Afghanistan) and All I Got Was PTSD and This Sticker”
“Lost My Friend In Iraq Fighting Terrorists For This Sticker”
“Missed The Last 18 Months of My Kids’ Lives For This Sticker”

While you’re at it, you might as well have a custom bumper sticker made for yourself. I’ll buy. Might I suggest something along the lines of:

“Can’t Spell ‘National Security’ But Running For POTUS Anyway”
“Forgot 9/11”
“Which Way To Ground Zero?”
“If Terrorists Win, Do I Get To Keep My $6 Million Home?”
“Will They Still See My Hair Under This Burqa?”
“Jihad? What’s a Jihad?”
“Osama bin Who? Al Qaeda, Where’s That?”
“Soliciting Campaign Contributions At The Troops Expense”

You can be in denial if you want, but the fact is, terrorism and those Islamic radicals who utilize it, are real. Terrorism does exist, and there are those who have sworn themselves to its use in bringing about the destruction of this nation.

Lucky for you, there are also those who have sworn to stand between you and the terrorists, affording you the right and freedom to demean their service by trivializing it as you do, espousing the very beliefs which would ultimately bring about their demise and yours.

You can remain wallowed in your absurdities, stumbling along, lost to the realities of the world around you, denying or even ignorant of the consequences to the actions you advocate. You can believe that the struggle of our time is merely a slogan.

But for those of us who’ve fought against the terrorists, for our families who’ve endured the deployments, for those who’ve lost loved ones at the hands of the terrorists or fighting against them, this war is much more than just a bumper sticker slogan, it’s a reality.

You just keep the bumper sticker for yourself. Use it as a reminder to what’s real and what’s not. Besides, you’d probably want me taxed for it anyway.

Major Brian, out.

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